The following article is excerpted from the May-June 2010 issue of “Family Foundations,” the publication of the Couple to Couple League International (CCL).

Dating should come from a foundation of prayer and a sense of commitment.

A record number of American Catholics are single - more than 22 million, according to a 2008 study by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life.

It’s not surprising, then, that the subject of singles, dating, and vocation are cropping up more and more in books, magazines, and conversations among Catholic circles.

Advice varies, along with approaches to dating, but the goal is inevitably the same: helping singles embrace their call to love and serve God and others in the manner He desires for them.

For Erin McNamara, 21, a junior at the University of Lincoln-Nebraska and the daughter of Couple to Couple League (CCL) Teaching Couple Mark and Colleen McNamara, putting God’s will first in her dating life is a priority. “I always pray before I pursue a relationship with a guy,” she said, “Honestly, I prayerfully consider it before even going on a first date.”

Because to many Catholic singles like McNamara, their faith is their most important personal characteristic and, naturally, the first thing they want to share with a potential mate.

Common ground

That’s why thousands of Catholics are turning to online dating sites such as CatholicMatch.com, AveMariaSingles.com, Catholicsingles.com and others. A belief that the Catholic faith is important common ground makes meeting people online all the more attractive in a day and age when genuine faith is hard to come by at a random meeting in a noisy bar. These sites include forums on faith, society and even job seeking. They include pertinent articles on dating and faith. CatholicMatch.com even has a temperament test.

CCL has been a valuable resource for young Catholic singles, McNamara said. “Having attended CCL conventions since before I was born, it has been really great to have that network to talk about important issues in dating. The talks I have heard about dating and relationships at the convention have always been amazing and put me a step ahead of most of my peers.”

In addition, national programs like Theology on Tap and the National Singles Conference enables singles to meet like-minded Catholics in a relaxed setting that features insightful speakers.

While all those friendly introductions won’t translate into romance, developing a friendship with a potential mate is an invaluable foundation. It establishes common values and basic trust, which can pave the way to a healthy romantic bond.

Dating tends to be more serious in Catholic circles; the relationships are directed toward marriage. And though engagement might not come swiftly, “there’s a sense of obligation,” the duty to plan for the future, said George Souri, a 32-year-old high school teacher from Chicago.

From texting to dating

Texting and tweeting and other popular forms of rapid-fire communication have rewritten the rules of dating. They involve less risk, bringing about “less reward,” Souri said. It’s easy to text someone and not think much about the consequences or the feelings of rejection if she doesn’t respond. But some amount of risk is a good thing, Souri said.

“[Catholics] should put eggs in many baskets and consciously seek people out,” said Amy Bonaccorso, author of the forthcoming book, “How to Get to ‘I Do’: A Dating Guide for Catholic Women.”

“They should also focus on good character, traits like generosity and an ability to work through problems, rather than superficial checklists.”

A shared commitment to God’s will is a simple but vital foundation. When that’s in place, God can write a beautiful love story.

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Sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International at www.ccli.org, and receive “Family Foundations.”

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

Classes in Natural Family Planning are taught in 17 locations in the Chicago metro area, including southeast Wisconsin and northeast Indiana. The next series of classes will begin Sunday, Aug. 8, 2010 at 1:30 pm at Holy Trinity Church in Westmont, taught by Chris & Debbie Lillig, 630-428-3046. The method taught is the Sympto-Thermal Method, and is also available with CyclePRO software.

To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location/Maplinks.

By Marion Fernandez-Cueto

Anne and Joachim, parents of the Virgin Mary

The following article is an excerpt from the May-June 2010 issue of Family Foundations, the publication of the Couple to Couple League International (CCL).

When David LaValley of Buffalo, N.Y., started dating Cherie, he was pleased to learn they were both cradle Catholics. LaValley had served for years as an altar boy, and it wasn’t long before the couple was attending Mass together.

They kept attending eight months later, when Cherie moved into LaValley’s apartment. Despite their faith, the two had no moral qualms at the time about cohabiting. Apparently, neither did their Catholic parents, who offered congratulations and a regular Sunday brunch. Among friends, the fact that he and Cherie were “living in sin” was merely fodder for wisecracks, LaValley said. “We were Catholic,” he said, “but we weren’t afraid of sin.”

The witness of a Couple to Couple League (CCL) couple who spoke during the LaValley’s Engaged Encounter weekend prior to their marriage, caused them to rethink their behavior. They got off the pill and remained chaste until their marriage.

That was 1997. Since then, the LaValleys have married and became a CCL Teaching Couple. Cohabitation rates, nonetheless, continue to skyrocket. Catholics sadly are participating in numbers that mirror national trends, a wake-up call for Catholics, according to alarmed Catholic Marriage preparation instructors.

Living Together is “Rampant”

“It’s rampant,” said Father Larry Richards, pastor of St. Joseph Church/Bread of Life Community in Erie, Pa., and founder of The Reason for Our Hope Foundation. Father Richards, who prepares at least 25 couples for marriage each year and speaks at numerous marriage preparation weekends, said most engaged Catholic couples he works with are cohabiting. “At the beginning of Engaged Encounter, I always ask, how many of you are living together?” he said. “Ninety percent raise their hands.”

That number squares with current research: According to a 2009 report in the Journal of Family Psychology, more than 70 percent of couples now live together in a sexual relationship before marriage.

Those statistics indicate a growing threat to the institution of marriage and society at large, Catholic leaders warn. Pope Benedict XVI raised the issue during his visit to the United States in April 2008, observing in his address to bishops that the sheer pervasiveness of cohabitation has rendered it “scarcely distinguishable” from the sacrament of marriage in the eyes of some young Catholics.

A 2009 pastoral letter by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops identified cohabitation as one of four “fundamental challenges to the very meaning and purpose of marriage,” among them contraception, same-sex unions and divorce. “To have sexual intercourse outside of marriage is gravely immoral,” the letter stated, “because it communicates physically the gift of oneself when, at the time, one is not willing or able to make a total or permanent commitment.”

That’s exactly what Teaching Couple Kevin and Lisa McCormick of Kerrville, Texas, tell their students - the vast majority of whom, they say are cohabiting. Some declare it outright, Lisa said. Others write the same address on their registration forms or share revealing anecdotes. And as the sole NFP instructors in a parish of 3,500, the McCormicks say the issue is too urgent to ignore.

Sexual Embrace is Connected to Vows

If couples fail to grasp the gravity of cohabitation, the wedding may not be a transformational time for them, Kevin said. Engaged cohabiting couples “obviously don’t have a sense of the sanctity of the sexual embrace and how it’s connected to their vows,” and that jeopardizes both their understanding of marriage as a covenant, and sex as an expression of its renewal, he said. “It’s not surprising so many marriages fail when they are not being founded on a faithful approach to Christ’s teaching.”

Indeed, research has documented a grim and largely uncontested link between cohabitation and subsequent marital failure. Decades of studies confirm that couples who live together before marriage face a higher risk of divorce - a 46 percent increase over already-bleak national odds, according to one study. Among partners with a previous history of cohabitation with a different partner, the likelihood of divorce soars further still.

Cohabitation needs to be addressed more conscientiously by those involved in marriage preparation, but in a compassionate, prayerful, and Christ-like manner, Father Richards said. Many cohabiting couples, he noted, have “never even heard it was wrong before.” They are often surprised and grateful to be confronted with the truth. “We need to be pastoral, we need to have their salvation in mind,” Father Richards said. “They are getting catechized every day by the world and the flesh and the devil.”

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Sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International at www.ccli.org, and receive “Family Foundations.”

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

Classes in Natural Family Planning are taught in 17 locations in the Chicago metro area, including southeast Wisconsin and northeast Indiana. The next series of classes will begin Sunday, Aug. 8, 2010 at 1:30 pm at Holy Trinity Church in Westmont, taught by Chris & Debbie Lillig, 630-428-3046.

To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location/Maplinks.

The following articles are from the Jan.-Feb. 2010 issue of Family Foundations, the publication of the Couple to Couple League International.

Does NFP prevent spontaneity by restricting intimacy?

Times of abstinence can teach couples other ways to show love.

They Say: Isn’t it unnatural to confine intimacy to certain phase of a woman’s cycle? Doesn’t using Natural Family Planning (NFP) to avoid a pregnancy prevent couples from freely expressing their love for each other?

We Say: This could be true if a couple only expressed love through sexual intercourse. But times of abstinence can teach couples to show love in other ways. A long conversation or a romantic date night develops emotional intimacy - which, in turn, enhances physical intimacy.

Times of abstinence also unite a couple in a shared goal. Galatians 5:21-23 lists both patience and self-control as fruits of the Spirit. When a couple must abstain during fertile times, they foster these virtues together. And many find that periodic abstinence actually increases their appreciation of physical intimacy.

There will be times in all marriages when physical intimacy is impossible: postpartum, during an illness, business travels, recovering from an injury. A solid relationship needs love expressed in multiple forms.

Does NFP fail to connect with modern couples?

They Say: My grandmother practiced the rhythm method. My peers contracept. How is NFP relevant to a modern couple?

We Say: NFP is fertility awareness and connects with the people in the pews today. CCL has risen to this challenge by revising its curriculum and teaching materials. As part of an inductive approach, teaching couples share personal testimonies with student couples, putting a face to the practice. We recognize the difference between a 2010 audience and a 1970 audience, and we are striving to help modern couples apply the consistent teaching of the Church.

Finding creative ways to relate NFP to contemporary desires does result in more effective communication with the culture. For example, the diocese of Madison’s “Go Organic” campaign successfully connected NFP with the organic food movement. One blogger wrote that NFP is “by far the most natural and green choice.” This is only one of many secular voices acknowledging the physical and environmental benefits of NFP. Repackaging the message can help achieve common ground with couples who are fed up with the alternatives.

At the same time, we look for new ways to communicate, the content of the message remains the same. NFP is the consistent teaching of the Catholic Church for valuable spiritual and physical reasons. It is timeless because God’s plan for marriage and sexuality is timeless. We simply seek out new ways to present these ancient truths.

* * *

Sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International at www.ccli.org, and receive “Family Foundations.”

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

Classes in Natural Family Planning are taught in 17 locations in the Chicago metro area, including southeast Wisconsin and northeast Indiana. The next series of classes will begin Sunday, Aug. 8 at 1:30 pm at Holy Trinity Church in Westmont, taught by Chris & Debbie Lillig 630-428-3046.

To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location/Maplinks.

To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to CCL International at www.ccli.org, (800) 745-8252. Chicago area NFP information is at www.naturalfamilyplanningchicago.com.

Spouses cooperate with each other with NFP.

The following is an excerpt from the article, “Newlyweds Embrace NFP,” by Sarah Hammond, in the Jan.-Feb. 2010 issue of Family Foundations, the publication of the Couple to Couple League International.

Awkward at first

Unlike birth control, Natural Family Planning (NFP) does not leave the burden of family planning squarely on one spouse. Spouses discuss daily together and agree to abstain if there is a reason to postpone pregnancy. The decision and the responsibility to follow through belong equally to both. This sharing translates into other areas of their married life together.

For Eric Babbs, the work of charting his wife’s fertility observations felt awkward at first. Beyond the charting, Eric and Sarah struggled with polycystic ovarian syndrome and then suffered a miscarriage very early in their marriage. Despite these difficulties, now Eric said, “charting is one of our rituals as a couple that cements our closeness, as I assist Sarah in making temperature measurements each morning and as we discuss when a fertile time is about to begin or end.”

Loving each other through the abstinence

A man and a woman unable to give in to any and every sexual urge learn to control their passions, and during times of abstinence they practice loving each other in nonsexual ways. Sacrifice on some level will always be required throughout the seasons of a marriage, and NFP helps couples master it.

In certain cases, the need to postpone pregnancy is imperative. “NFP can be especially important in a military family,” said Adam Alexander, whose deployment in March will be for 12 months. “Some couples may not want to conceive a child right before deployment in which the wife would experience nine months of pregnancy and childbirth with her husband literally half a world away!”

That’s why Nicole mailed her first few carefully-marked charts in to CCL Central for review while taking the class to ensure they were interpreting them correctly. The couple even faced the challenge of abstaining on their wedding night. They sacrificed the immediate consummation of their vows for the greater good of their fledgling family. Instead, they enjoyed being together by relaxing and reflecting on their memorable wedding day.

Trusting in God

When newlyweds rely on God’s design for a woman’s fertility, they learn to be open to His plan for their lives, rather than to be narrowly focused on their own plans. NFP fosters trust between spouses, who have to be very open and vulnerable with each other. Although it felt a little funny at first to talk with Daniel about the consistency of my cervical mucus, realizing that he knows me so intimately (even if he does joke about it being “gross”); the fact that he loves all of me, makes me love and appreciate him so much more. Thanks to NFP, I feel Daniel and I really have become “one body” - in many ways.

In a season of dizzying change, we’re grateful for the roadmap of NFP, guiding us physically, emotionally and spiritually. We believe we have begun our marriage on the right track. And though it won’t be easy, we know we’re in for an incredible ride.

* * *

Sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International and receive “Family Foundations.”

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

The next series of classes in Natural Family Planning in northeast Illinois will begin Sunday, Aug. 8 at 1:30 pm at Holy Trinity Church in Westmont, taught by Chris & Debbie Lillig 630-428-3046.

To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location/Maplinks.

Perhaps the practice of Natural Family Planning (NFP) is a training ground for detachment from one’s spouse! What I mean is learning not to need him/her to satisfy our desire for a comfortable life or to be the culmination or ruination of our happiness.

NFP as a training ground for detachment

This past year my husband has lived in New York state taking care of his Dad under hospice care. What was supposed to be a few months, praise God, turned into one year…

and going. His dad has flourished under his loving and attentive care. And I have gone through four seasons… and going… tending the home fires with all the breakdowns and illnesses, enduring periods of acute loneliness and loss of routine.

Sacrificial practices have become such a part of our lives that this is but one more part of it. A greater good, the care of an ailing parent, is at stake. Though still difficult, how blessed we are to have lived the practice of sacrificial love through NFP that makes this ongoing separation yet another way of living our devotion to one another.

Debra Johnston, Ellington, Conn.

Daily Prayer Keeps Marriage Centered on God

Since we began dating, we have prayed together every day. When we were apart, we would call each other. As a married couple, we unite our days through the morning offering and reflect on them with evening prayer. This daily routine forces us to work out our disagreements before retiring for the night and helps us to keep our relationship centered on God.

Johanna Burke, CCL Teaching Couple, Toledo, Ohio

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Sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International and receive “Family Foundations.”

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

The next series of classes in Natural Family Planning in northeast Illinois will begin Sunday, Aug. 8 at 1:30 pm at Holy Trinity Church in Westmont, taught by Chris & Debbie Lillig 630-428-3046.
To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location/Maplinks.

THEY SAY: At the American Cancer Society web site, a January 2008 article called “Birth Control Pill Use Cuts Ovarian Cancer Risk” analyzes a comprehensive study published in The Lancet. This study found that the longer a woman takes the birth control pill, the lower her risk for ovarian cancer. Why not take the pill if it has preventative effects?

The Pill is linked to breast cancer.

THE FACTS: While the pill may help lower the risk of ovarian cancer, even the authors of this article accept that increased risk of both cervical cancer and breast cancer have been linked to long-term use of the birth control pill, and the evidence of these links is stronger than this article acknowledges.

In an article on the One More Soul web site called “Breast Cancer Risk from the Pill,” Dr. Chris Kahlenborn delves deeper into this connection. He cites a Mayo Clinic meta-analysis indicating that women who took an oral contraceptive before the birth of their first child incurred an increased risk - by as much as 52 percent - of developing pre-menopausal breast cancer. Hormonal contraceptives may decrease the risk of ovarian cancer, but studies indicate that they significantly increase the risk for breast and cervical cancers.

As for the natural methods, there are absolutely no adverse health effects.

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Sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International and receive “Family Foundations.”

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

The next series of classes in Natural Family Planning in northeast Illinois will begin Friday, June 4, 2010 at 6:30 pm at Holy Cross Church in Batavia, taught by Jill and Dustin Schadt 630-896-9275.
To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location and Maplinks.

The Pill is not a good way to treat PMS.

The below is from the May/June issue of Family Foundations, a publication of the Couple to Couple League.

Must I rely on the birth control pill for relief from premenstrual syndrome?

THEY SAY: Each month I struggle with painful cramps and exhausting mood swings.  My doctor says the pill will help me manage these symptoms.

THE FACTS: Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) can be debilitating. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists estimates that “at least 85 percent of menstruating women have at least one PMS symptom as part of their monthly cycle.” Approximately three percent to eight percent of menstruating women may have a more severe form of PMS called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.

When women ask for help, doctors often prescribe the birth control pill, citing research like a 2005 Harvard study posted at WebMD. The article, called “Birth Control Pill May Relieve PMS Depression,” suggests that oral contraceptives can help curb PMS mood swings. Yet the birth control pill isn’t the safest option for treating PMS, and it ignores the underlying causes. In Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition, 4^th ed., Marilyn Shannon lists a number of possible nutritional and lifestyle causes of PMS. Instead of telling women to pop a pill, Shannon presents natural ways of improving cycle functioning and fertility: nutritional changes, balanced vitamin supplementation, and the right amount of sleep and exercise. Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition, 4^th ed., available through the CCL website (www.ccli.org), thoroughly addresses these natural approaches to a variety of cycle irregularities.

If symptoms persist even after implementing nutrition and lifestyle changes, women may need to seek diagnosis and treatment of a hormonal imbalance.

An NFP-only physician can use a woman’s charting data to help uncover the causes of her PMS symptoms and consider choices that are safer than the birth control pill.

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Sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International and receive Family Foundations.

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

The next series of classes in Natural Family Planning in northeast Illinois will begin Sun., May 23, 2010 at 1:30 p.m. at Holy Trinity Church in Westmont, and will be taught by Chris & Debbie Lillig, at 630-428-3046. To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location and Maplinks.

"We're going to have ten kids."

Jennifer: Matt and I met at a retreat for Catholic college students. Each one of us came from slightly different backgrounds, but we were convinced that our common faith was all that really mattered.

Matthew: Once Jennifer and I were engaged, eventually the subject of what we were going to use for family planning came up. I had grown up hearing about NFP since my parents were volunteer teachers for the Couple to Couple League (CCL).

Jennifer: I had this vague notion that the Church was against contraception, but since that was really unrealistic these days, and everybody used it anyway, I was fully prepared to start my pill regime, when Matt told me that there was another way.

Matthew: I shocked my bride-to-be by stating we will use NFP or nothing. I heard a gulp and a response of “well, let’s see how this NFP thing works.”

Jennifer: To say that I was shocked is perhaps an understatement. All I kept thinking was, “We are going to have ten kids, we’re going to have ten kids.” Matt and his parents, who are also Natural Family Planning teachers, patiently taught me the ins and outs, and I was convinced that this was actually going to work. Everything went smoothly all the way through our wedding night.

Matthew: My uncle’s firm rented the Presidential Suite in the Waldorf-Astoria in New   York City and after the event the room was paid for the night. I knew we were a couple of days into the fertile time of our cycle. But come on, romantic evening in a loaded hotel room? Some things are just too good to pass up!

Wedding Night Mixup

Jennifer: With my newly acquired knowledge and less than one month you could say practical experience… I had no idea where I really was in my cycle, except that I was infertile right now, and the fertile time should come next. I was really just waiting on my husband to tell me when that time was. Needless to say we had some major miscommunication here. Matt honestly believed that I knew as well as he did that we were in the fertile time and acting in a way that might gift us with a child even though we had previously agreed to wait for the time being. Our hiccup’s name is Jude and he truly is a wonderful gift from God.

Matthew: We have come to appreciate God’s timing on all things concerning children. After an extended infertility due to breastfeeding, we felt that we were ready to conceive again. After no success for five months after Jenn’s fertility returned, I received orders to deploy to Iraq. Now we had a harder decision to make.

Jennifer: Initially, I did not want to be pregnant when Matt was deployed, but at the same time I really felt that our children should be relatively close in age. If we waited until Matt returned that would put almost five years between our children. We threw up our hands on this one and lifted our hearts, praying for God’s guidance.

Matthew: We conceived on our farewell night before I left to pre-deployment training. Even though the separation was difficult on all of us, God was good to us. I was able to call home often from Iraq. We were blessed with perfect timing of the baby’s arrival even after some early pre-term labor. I was able to be home for R&R when John Paul was born.

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(The above is the first part of the article.) To receive Family Foundations, sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International.

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

The next series of classes in Natural Family Planning in northeast Illinois will begin Sun., May 23, 2010 at 1:30 p.m. at Holy Trinity Church in Westmont, and will be taught by Chris & Debbie Lillig, at 630-428-3046. To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location and Maplinks.

After our first NFP class, my husband referred to it as a reproductive game of “red light, green light.” We call Phase I and III “red light” and Phase II as having a “green light.” We often get the giggles in the car while waiting at a red light.

Red light, green light

My husband was home sick with the flu and accidentally used the purple thermometer instead of the white thermometer. I called home to check on him and knew something was wrong when he reported his temp with two numbers after the decimal point. (He was really relieved when he remembered that I temp orally!)

While we were taking the course as an engaged couple, we usually did our homework at his parents’ house. We left our books out by accident and were the talk of the family - even though we had tried to explain it to them. They thought we were actively trying to conceive in the months leading up to our wedding!

Since learning about egg white cervical mucus, we don’t think we’ll ever think of scrambled eggs the same way again.

- Brigid & John Padley, Bascom, OH

No Exchanges, No Returns

Many years ago, we had two daughters and were expecting our third child. We told our oldest daughter, who was 3 at the time, “How would you like to get a new brother or sister?” She thought for a minute and then pointed to her younger sister and said, “No, I still like that one.” We couldn’t help but smile as we explained that a new sibling would be added and not exchanged.

-    Veronica & Robert Wallace, CCL Teaching Couple, San Antonio, TX

The above article appeared in the March/April 2010 issue of Family Foundations. To receive the magazine, sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International.

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

The next series of classes in Natural Family Planning in northeast Illinois will begin Sun., May 23, 2010 at 1:30 p.m. at Holy Trinity Church in Westmont, and will be taught by Chris & Debbie Lillig, at 630-428-3046. To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location and Maplinks.

Fr. Richard Hogan

The following is an interview between the Couple to Couple League (CCL) and Fr. Richard Hogan, a former CCL board member and expert in the Theology of the Body.

CCL: What’s your definition of responsible parenthood?

Father Hogan: Responsible parenthood is the decision by a married couple either to try to conceive a child or to postpone a pregnancy while living according to the culture of life (not resorting to contraception, sterilization, or abortion, IVF, et cetera).  This decision must be based on a virtuous assessment of the married couple’s current situation in life.

CCL: How has popular culture challenged or cheapened this notion?

Father Hogan: In my view, there are two poles acknowledged by the current culture. (1) Any couple - married or not - has the right to control their bodies to prevent pregnancy. The means used to accomplish this goal is decided by the couple and a physician. It is not necessary even to acknowledge the way God created us because the means used is not to be dictated to the couple by God or anyone else. (2) Every couple - married or not, including gay couples - has a right to a child. If a child is desired, any means is legitimate for “acquiring” a child.

CCL: What does it mean to have a “right order of priorities” about parenthood and family planning, as Pope Paul VI put it?

Father Hogan: The “right order of priorities” means that married couples acknowledge the moral teachings of the Church regarding sexuality and also that they are generous in giving life. It was summarized in a statement Pope John Paul II made to parents: “In your effort to give everything to your children, do not forget that the greatest gift you as parents can give is a brother or a sister.” That’s a paraphrase. Of course, there are times when the “right order of priorities” also means that couples should postpone a pregnancy for unselfish prudent reasons, such as economic hardship, a recent death or a serious sickness.

CCL: How can a couple ensure that their decisions about family planning correspond to God’s will?

Father Hogan: Prayer, talking and listening to each other carefully. They also should be practicing their faith, be fulfilling their familial responsibilities and their obligations at their workplace. If they are generally trying to live a virtuous life, consistent with the wisdom of the Church, then they can be reasonably sure that they are following what God would wish them to do.

CCL: What makes responsible parenthood such a tricky concept to master? Does a couple ever master it?

Father Hogan: The chief difficulty with the term “responsible parenthood” is that in some circles it has been confused with natural family planning. It essentially means a prudential decision by a married heterosexual couple to try to conceive or try to postpone a pregnancy. As with all prudential decisions, including vocational decisions - and this is actually a vocational decision which is part and parcel of the vocation of marriage - there is never an absolute certainty in the sense of mathematical certainty. There is only moral certainty: A conviction that one is doing the best in the particular situation one finds himself or herself.

There are two pitfalls regarding responsible parenthood. First, there is the culture’s rejection of it, the idea that couples exercising responsible parenthood by using NFP to postpone a pregnancy are doing the same thing as contracepting couples or couples using other means contrary to the culture of life. NFP couples are not doing the same thing as those using these other means.

Second, there is the idea that the very exercise of responsible parenthood is contrary to God’s will, that pregnancy should be left only to God and not to the married couple. This point of view is sometimes called providentialism.

CCL: When CCL couples practice responsible parenthood, what stands to be gained? How does that benefit society at large?

Father: They are living holy lives and in that sense contribute greatly to all of society and to the Church. For themselves they are leading a path of holiness, a path to heaven.

Father Richard Hogan serves as pastor of St. Raphael parish in Crystal, Minn. He has written on the Theology of the Body, has authored three books on the theology of Pope John Paul II, has appeared on EWTN, and was an author and editor of the Image of God religious instruction program.

The above article appeared in the March/April 2010 issue of Family Foundations. To receive the magazine, sign up for a membership at Couple to Couple League International.

Natural Family Planning Classes Taught

The next series of classes in northeast Illinois will begin Sun., May 23, 2010 at 1:30 p.m. at Holy Trinity Church in Westmont, and will be taught by Chris & Debbie Lillig, at 630-428-3046 To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to the CCL Central class locator. Or go to the Chicago CCL’s Classes by Location and Maplinks.